I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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