We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
