I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
