He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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