he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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