you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
