tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I fill condoms, not promises.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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