Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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