My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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