i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
