i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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