I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
