we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
