I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
