they need to just BURY HIM!
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
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