College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
