Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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