left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
