; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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