you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
