you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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