Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
