just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
