I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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