just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
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