why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
