Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
