Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
