onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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