I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
PANTIES FOUND
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