Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
