No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
