You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
