plz talk dirty to me
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
