It's Friday. Sex?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
