you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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