when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
