my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just gargled with NyQuil
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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