it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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