This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
