The maid of honor just puked.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Randomize
