I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
