epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize