worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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