help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
