I must be too annoying 4 u.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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