I didn't shave. On purpose
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
