Whoa Z and x make the same sound
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
