So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
she smelled like a LAN party
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Randomize
