The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize