What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
