So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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