stop calling my apartment porn island.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
