You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Randomize
