The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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