Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Randomize
