whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
