I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
