I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
