Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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