I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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