shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
