I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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