How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
