Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
