just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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