question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
