Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize