Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Randomize
