you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
