She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize