yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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