i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
