the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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