So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
