When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
