Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
