This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize