please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you didnt know i had herpes?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
