So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
