Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
