dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
