i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
