this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I think people are normalizing furries
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
