If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
