The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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