Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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