And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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