This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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