Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize