He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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