Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
