Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize
