I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
