you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
