Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
