my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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