Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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