only if we run a train.
done.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
