hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
