We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
