I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
